An Open Letter to Spotify/Shockwaves NME

15 03 2010

Dear Fucknugget Marketing Arsecandles

I am a dear user of Spotify. In my dreary office, the radio is confined to Classic FM played at a barely audible volume. However, I escape this tedium thanks to the Spotify service.

I have a lovely long playlist filled with delights for my ears. It keeps me alert and helps keep me chirpy while I work, rather than sitting here buried in a grave of awkward silence.

I have put up with the adverts. I don’t mind them. I accept that to put up with such an excellent free service, I can listen to an advert or two every few songs. It seems like a fair deal.

Until now.

Until you and those scenester wankers at Shockwaves and NME came up with their current ad campaigns.

What you appear to have done is employ Jon Culshaw to talk in the worst voices he can possibly ‘perform’, reciting cretinous vacuous rhetoric aimed at the drooling sheep that read NME.

There is no thought. There is no creative thinking.

You’re the Shockwaves talking mirror are you? In my computer? Well, what a pointless mirror you are then numbnuts. What next?

Oh, right, I see. You think my hair is shit. Thanks for that. Anything else worth sharing with me? What’s that? There is a Shockwaves NME playlist? I can only imagine the kind of generic guitar-based skinny-jean based-floppy hair identikit shite there is set to spew forth from that.

Please stop it. Stop. Just stop. Why can’t you just come up with an advert that doesn’t have to filled with such shite?

Please?

Yours

Tim Ward

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One response

15 03 2010
Protoskull

/signed!

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